2 min read

What does self-confidence mean? And how do you increase this?

Having self-confidence, current technologies do not make it easy. Nowadays we can compare ourselves with millions of people through social media, dating apps, Netflix etc. This allows us to see all kinds of extremes, people who are found attractive - people who are detested, how good life seems on Instagram versus the reality of the news in which some people are murdered in gruesome ways. Our brains are not designed to be able to compare and understand things on such a large scale.

A realistic look

We used to live in villages, where the only thing we were exposed to was the immediate environment, but nowadays we seem to know and receive everything. Since our brain mainly focuses on what can be improved, we never seem to think we are good enough. This is mainly due to our upbringing in which we have to prove ourselves to earn a compliment or love. We then have to meet certain standards or put ourselves in a box. As a result, at a certain point only a (partially) separate 'self' remains, which lives according to what others expect of us. We cannot then develop ourselves into a healthy individual with our own identity.

It's more a question of how can you have self-confidence if you don't know who you are? Self-confidence actually means that you stand behind your own values and person. But what if you have never been able to develop this person and have to follow imposed values that you do not support?

There's no point in comparing

Let's face it, if we compare ourselves to people like Miley Cyrus, Adriana Lima and Christiano Ronaldo, we will never seem good enough. They have good looks, great talent and millions of fans. But this does not mean that they themselves are automatically happy, because there are many more factors that determine whether you are happy or not. Having a big house, looking nice and being rich doesn't necessarily make you happy. Happiness lies more in factors such as love (especially self-love), sincere friendships, gratitude and following your true self, both personally and professionally.

So it is important to see that we are good enough as we are, of course this does not mean that we should not pursue our dreams. But it does mean that we already have the right to be proud of ourselves and feel confident, even if we don't have millions of fans. Of course this is easier said than done, but we can take a first step by listening to ourselves. It can be scary to choose this path as not many do, but it is definitely worth it. You will eventually love yourself much more and find yourself worthy of living.